4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
