update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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