I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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