All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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