I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
