Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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