He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
