pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
