I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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