Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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