it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
