Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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