If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
