I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
