I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
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He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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