I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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