I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
