No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
