i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
