i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
