We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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