Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
