he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
