I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
