well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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