Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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