i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
