i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
