Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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