Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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