1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
