Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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