K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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