You work out of a Hotel?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
