forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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