So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
