So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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