He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
