(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
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I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.