If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
