Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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