Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
