my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
