Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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