Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
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