Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
