life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
