When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
