you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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