Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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