I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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