Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
