Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
