I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
that may or may not have been my penis.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
