I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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