just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
