Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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