1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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