I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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