There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
