The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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