You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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