I heard we made out
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
