she was so not down for the gang bang
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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