you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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