I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day šš#pensacolaproblems
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we arenāt each otherās type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, itās Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
