I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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