carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
