one two three fourrrrnication!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
