the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
