Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
