dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
