Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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