I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
