i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
