We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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