My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
