I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
