I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
