he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
